Sometimes there is a thought that the angrier a person is, the more impressive/stronger he is in his actions. If a God is an angry one, He would be more feared and respected. If a religion has angry administrators it would have more believers and faithful followers. If in a movie the lead actor is angry, he would represent the best in the soceity.
I think the truth however is just the opposite. A person is angry only when he is incapable of getting something done. When he finds that his actions are not giving results, he gets frustrated and gets into anger. Therefore anger is more of a sign of weakness than strength. Given a choice nobody would want to stay in angry mood for any amount of time unless someone is trying to fake it.
Why would someone try to fake anger? It is generally considered that if a person is angry he must be right and innocent and speaking the truth. This is frequently taken as an excuse to create mobs and committ crimes which that would generally not be allowed. Most of the times when there is a mob there is looting and people enjoy breaking public property.
Who gets affected by anger, in short term yes the people around but in long term it is the angry person whose psyche is affected the most. He gets scars on his brain that are very difficult to heal.
A good decision is always taken with a stable and calm mind and is rarely regretted. A decision taken in hot blood is usually a wrong decision and most of the times irreversible. Therefore the power of being angry is just negative.
Don’t listen to what people say, I know from experience. One has to make their own decisions. You can’t always be perfect but being angry and trying to get revenge doesn’t make your decision right.
I can’t imagine my life without internet, email or even without Google for that matter.Anything I want to know about… hmm… closest desi restaurant to my home, hmm… What’s the cost of a laptop? Where can I buy the cheapest computer software? What is the true meaning of Accounting? What’s the scoop on Salman Khan these days? How good is the new Hindi movie…? Well… Think of all the businesses that wouldn’t be running. Can you imagine a world without online shopping, without online news, God, I can’t think there is way too much to put.
If writing letters was the only way to keep in touch with people who live geographically far from me, I don’t think I would have kept in touch with more than 2 or may be 3 of my very close friends. Not that I don’t want to but it’s just too much to think, write, post, wait for a reply, etc… Thanks to the inventors of email. Keeping in touch has become so much easier!! Inspite of this, I still do have many pending replies to send and many excuses I make… Wonder how our parents managed to keep in touch with their friends from school and college?How did people live before the internet?! How our lives would have been without it now? I think it’s the greatest invention ever made in the recent years! I really cannot imagine having to live without it! Can you?
I know I am deeply blessed by God.
I am kind of a loud type of person, do things which people feel weird but which are deeply satisfying and important to me as a person. Individualist and creative people are never understood. The problem is that they don’t care about what society thinks about them, a big problem for society because they ride over unnecessary social laws. I push my limits so I can extend my boundaries. I can fit in easily but still I can’t fit in. People still consider me alien or at least not a usual person. I know I am not like others and that is what makes me special and I really cherish that but I hate it when people point out my weaknesses which aren’t that important to be discussed, they are not weaknesses, just a different perspective. I talk aloud, mark my mark and leave people making them think too much. Proud to people, very humble inside and in this mix gets ignored at most of the places.
Everybody wants appreciation for their contribution and its okay and its not a proud freak stuff. Very much modern and liberal, but old fashioned where I need to be. Actually that is what people say is old fashion but in reality it isn’t. I follow Bollywood very closely but don’t get brainwashed. I am one hell of a complicated person who loves to learn and has a childlike enthusiasm. Gets bored with things easily but not relationships. Want to learn everything she finds exciting. Excited by the choice but a victim of choice too. What to do and what not to do when you want to do everything you can do.
With such personality, you know people will bitch and it’s alright completely, still it hurts. I am becoming socially unsocial. Internet, Music and being an Accounting major (because we don’t study as normal people do and we have no campus life whatsoever!) has even made it worse. I am becoming isolated. Music is my passion. Listening to old, sad and depressing songs gives me peace. Makes me think about life and what it really means and the existence of it. I am at the extreme vulnerability of becoming a depressed individual.
And this complex person wants to reach the perfection that humans can achieve, not Godly perfection but humanely yes! I have high expectations for my self. Maybe more than what others expect out of me. I guess much is expected from me. It has always been like I should be first, not in a way that I’d put someone down, but in respect to many other things. Spotlight should be on my humble soul.
I have lost my mind in search in this thinking cum worrying process. I worry a lot about the future and what it holds for me. Will I be the person that society wants me to be? Will I the daughter my parents expect me to be? Will I be the friend that one expects me to be? Planning for the future is okay but I am pushing it too far I guess.
I know you wouldn’t understand much of it. Not even if you read between the lines. I also have to read it again and tried to comprehend.
Summer isn’t even hear yet and I already seem to have a fully planned summer. I was hoping that one way or another, I’d go to Pakistan for the summer but that isn’t going to happen since I just got back in December. I don’t think my parents are going to be nice enough to buy me a ticket again. 
I was looking through the Summer schedule for classes and came up with three courses that I can and should take during the summer. Since I love summer classes so much, I’m willing to do it. Best thing about summer classes is that they’re for two hours every day but in a matter of six weeks, you take a course that you normally take for four months during the regular semester. So why not? Plus, in the summer the professors are extremely nice and let you go home early too! Most of them don’t even give a lot of homework and don’t expect too much in return.
I took one summer course last year and I seriously had a great time. I didn’t feel like I was wasting my summer because I got full credit for the course in less time and got a good grade. I’d much rather take a course for six weeks every day than take a four hour course once a week for four months. There’s so much pressure during regular semester.
I was telling my mom about taking three courses in the summer and she told me to go for it, especially since next summer I won’t be able to take any courses due to my cousin’s wedding. I’m most certainly not going to miss that wedding so I decided to take as much as I can before next summer so I dont’ fall behind. I can still have my credits and go to Pakistan next summer. Sounds good, right? Yup…thought so!
So much is happening this summer. My friend Tehreem is getting married. Another family friend is getting married. Infact, same week as Tehreem too! So two weddings in the same week, should be fun!
I’m also hoping that Waqar mamu and Shakeel mamu guys will come visit us this summer. It would really be nice to see them both and of course, the baccha party!
Looking forward to this summer more than ever before.
Off late, lot of chaos has entered my life. Reading my horoscope (which I do regularly), views of my palmistry cousin (who has always been right in many people’s cases that it scares the crap out of me!), debating with friends and cousins over the issues of life and thinking about my life.
While debating with my cousins, I was surprised to discover that one of them wants to go in for, self -realization, which means, in all likelihood, she may not marry at all. I have been god fearing and believe in the power of God, but self-realization is completely different, it’s about knowing yourself so well that your body, mind and your intellect cannot bother you any more. It sounds so distant and philosophical, but there is my cousin who is actually aiming to pursue it, which means she will give up most of the pleasures of life, to achieve this. And thinking deep about this made me realize that conviction towards something is most important to lead a satisfied life. I was so afraid of small challenges and small goals and here is a person who is much younger than me and she is aiming to devote rest of her life in order to pursue a goal, which she believes in. It has really made me a different person; my thinking has taken a good change.
Then there is another friend of mine, who is not keen to get married, because she thinks she herself doesn’t have answer to so many question of life that she is not in a position to give proper and un-biased guidance to her children. Though it sounds very stupid and trivial, but what it brings out is a very legitimate question and that is, do we want our children to be our mirror image or do we want them to be something of their own, because if we want them to have their own identity, then we have to understand life, beyond what we have lived, else we will teach them what we were taught, and we would not able to given them an open view of life. It made me think how biased and in-flexible I am on so many beliefs which I would impose upon other if I do not observe them in the light of logic and reality.
While talking about personality and character of an individual, it came out that most of us have been very shy and reserved kind of people throughout our childhood. We never went to the stage unless we were receiving a prize of some kind, never participated in any competition unless we were forced to join in by teachers or parents, never did any extra -curricular activities and were mostly focused on studies. And this continued until we entered college and that was the time, when most of us came out of our cocoon, when we faced the harsh world, when we were ragged, when we debated, when we fought for our views. But in my case, that was all there, but if I look back at my school days and my personality then, I feel, I was far away from the kind of personality I possesses now. I have gained enormously from working in a corporate, meeting people from different society and culture, seeing the most posh and sophisticated environment and still feeling at ease. This was the time, when I realized the minuteness of life, when I realized what weight age to give to the mundane flashy surroundings and what is the key of a good life, and I found, what Any Rand has stated very strongly in her book, “The Fountainhead”, not be slaves to other’s opinions but to have a proper understanding of your own self. You should not be told you are good; to know that you are good, you should know where you stand and you should not get swayed by other’s opinion. You should always introspect, but be truthful to your inner self. If tomorrow someone says I am a great accountant, I should know what the reality is and should not feel as a great accountant, because someone saw such greatness in me. And another thing which connects with this philosophy is modesty. When you know yourself well enough, then you do not get over-excited or deride other because of the knowledge you have. You are modest, because you do not have to show-off to anyone. You are at peace with your inner self and that is what you reflect to other, when you interact with them.
So, in short, last few days, have been a strong agitated ones, which have left many questions open to myself which I need to seek answers in order to get more clarity in my life.
